After a week of essay writing, obsessive coffee drinking, and more essay writing I had hoped to come to Saturday with a sense of freedom.
But, instead I find myself with yet another assignment to complete and a lack of motivation to do so. Through my open window I see people outside enjoying the nice crisp air.
My two soccer teams are playing today, and I have my phone set to alert me to the match details; however, I’ve had to restrict myself to only checking the Man U details every ten minutes or nothing would get done.
No matter how much preparation you put into something or time you set aside for something, there will always be something else to do.
Yesterday was meant to finish the assignment I am now working on today. Instead, I did household chores, grocery shopping, and other very adult things. (I’m a big kid now, Mom and Dad.)
I had planned my week out so that Saturday could be based on the premise of having fun and stepping back from academics. Things didn’t turn out that way.
Life sometimes reminds me of the stress of walking through a city at rush hour. At just the moment you think you’ve suavely dodged one group of people, you almost plow down a little old lady or a mother pushing a stroller.
In the inspirational song lyrics from High School Musical, you’ve just sometimes got to
“fake right, and break left”.
Constantly, life throws curve balls my way, and God is patiently teaching me how to maneuver whatever situation I find myself in. Sometimes I feel like I’m going to break my ankles with the velocity I am having to move and avoid any possible collisions.
I have come to the conclusion that no matter how diligently we may strive to fit life into a science-like understanding, we never will be able to.
Life is too full of unpredictability and change to reason it out. And isn’t that what makes life so beautiful?
As a linguist, I am all about reading semiotics and body language in an effort to draw an assumption about what might come next.
This especially happens when I am leaving the Tesco Metro and have five minutes to make it back to my bus stop if I don’t want to wait another half-hour for the next one.
Bags in hand, I am halfway between walking and jogging, desperately scanning the faces of those coming toward me. Do they look like the kind of people who will move in or out, will they weave or are they determined to hold firm to their ground?
Sometimes I read people correctly and we are both able to pass one another in peace. At other times, I come face to face with the awkward dance of. . .
“Which way are you going? Well, I was leaning toward that way first. Guess neither of us are going to get what we want. I’ll just go left now. K, bye.”
I find that I do the same thing with God. Sometimes when there is a calm in the storm I feel at liberty to try and guess which way He is going to lead me. I start headed that way without fully knowing and I end up getting met with a closed door.
Instead of just walking with God and trusting His ways, I try to get ahead of Him and guide Him along in my life.
With the hesed of a good, good Father, the Lord is teaching me to trust in His perfect plan. His timing. His way.
You see, I have an agenda of my own. I won’t get into the details of all that, but sometimes God has to reel me (and my strong, strong zeal) back and bid me wait on Him.
I could avoid a lot of collisions and pain if I just stopped trying to put the infinite Father into a finite box of my own creation.
He is so much greater and so much stronger. He is still the God of miracles that He was in the time of Moses and the Exodus!
In the two months I have been in Nottingham, I have experienced God in such mighty ways and I feel Him growing me exponentially.
That isn’t to say that I don’t have days of struggle and tears, or that I don’t experience the ugly pangs of loneliness and worry. I do, and more times than I care to admit.
But the Lord is faithful and oh so good to us!
In conclusion, as I was making a cup of hot chocolate to renew my spirit after a tiring gym session, I read the instructions to pour 3 heaping scoopfuls of the power into a cup of boiling water.
Sounded easy enough.
Wrong. Incorrect. The instructions lied.
What I was left with was a counter of overflowed hot chocolate and nasty chunks of powder floating in my mug. I mean, really?
The part I had failed to notice in the directions was that I needed 200mL of water which I highly doubt I had.
Life, I can feel the Lord telling me, is a learning process. There is no formula to follow to ensure a perfect life. There is no equation to tell me how long I will have to wait to get married or publish my first book.
If there was a simple solve-all button for life, we wouldn’t need trust. We would no longer have a need for complete and utter dependence upon God.
I may never learn my bus schedule and I may never get a first date, but praise God I am a new creation destined and determined to walk in His ways.
And I love my imperfect life because through it I am constantly learning and developing, growing and maturing into the woman God has planned for me to be.
Yes, just yes.
Verse of the Week:
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