This morning was not my morning. At all.
I woke up feeling fine, refreshed even. Even though I went to bed late again last night, I was able to wake up at 7:35 excited about the day.
I did my Bible reading and then went about running some errands for the day. Told to meet someone at 10.00, I was there at 9.58, eager and ready to get stuff done. Several minutes later, there was still no sign of the person I was waiting for.
I reread our communication, and the message said anytime before 11. It was definitely before 11. Waiting a bit longer, my impatience stemmed. To try and be proactive, I asked a couple of people if they had seen the person I was looking for. They made some phone calls and helped as much as possible. All to no avail. She couldn’t be found.
Now a little more frustrated, I went to complete a few more errands, and when I came back, still before 11, no one.
I ran to catch my bus into town, so I could go to the library and study. Standing in front of the closed bus doors, I am left on the sidewalk to wait another 20 minutes. I could’ve reached out and touched the doors if I’d wanted to.
Then, as if to taunt me, the wind picked up. I had only brought a light jacket since spring had seemed to hit England, but now this was proving insufficient.
At this point, I felt ready to punch something.
Why? Why was nothing going my way? All I wanted to do was send an angry message to the person who hadn’t shown up. I thought nothing would bring me greater pleasure right now then to kick the bus as it pulled off. Ridiculous, I know, but this is really what was going on in my head.
Jeremiah 17:9 says our hearts are deceitful and that we can’t understand them. When we live a life based on feelings, we rob ourselves of the joy Jesus desires for us to abide in. We choose to skimp instead of feast, to sip instead of swallow. Why? For the temporary satisfaction of feeling like we’re in control? Let me tell you, it’s not worth it.
We are called to live to a higher standard regardless of how we feel. God tells us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. Not just on the days we feel like it or when they deserve it but every single moment to choose to love those around us, to show patience and grace. Think about what God has done for you.
I’ll be the first to say I don’t deserve His favor or His love. I have done nothing worthy of Him loving me. I am fallen, and I am broken. But He loves me because He has chosen to, because He looks at me through the lens of His perfect son, Jesus.
Think back to the Israelites and how faithless they were and how faithful God was. His faithfulness and goodness doesn’t depend on our character, they depend entirely upon who He is which is never-changing and sovereign. And God has called us to live beyond how we feel, to love with abandon and to serve with a pure heart.
How is He speaking to you today? Do you make too many life decisions based on emotion? Perhaps the Holy Spirit is urging you to listen to His voice rather than the voice of your heart.